


hawt yaoi ;3 (DONT FUCKING READ THIS)

by toastyZil



Series: the series of jokefics that are probably still better than wattpad [1]
Category: Homestuck, MSPA Forums
Genre: Anal Sex, Don't Read This, Fluff, Fucked Up, Hhhhhhhhhh, Hot, Humanstuck, Irony, M/M, Smut, Tags Are Hard, Trans Character, Vaginal Sex, What Have I Done, Yaoi, im sorry, this is a joke, this is the worst thing ive ever created
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-19
Updated: 2018-11-19
Packaged: 2019-08-26 01:31:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16672225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/toastyZil/pseuds/toastyZil
Summary: oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh nodont read this pls





	hawt yaoi ;3 (DONT FUCKING READ THIS)

**Author's Note:**

> you have been fucking warned
> 
> this is all a joke pls dont take offense ;w;

It all started in elementary school when Dave Strider and John Egbert first met. When John looked into Dave's eyes for the first time, he saw his future, him and dave getting married, having children, and dying happily. So he set out to achieve his goal. Every day, he put little gifts in dave’s lunch box, thinking he would like it. One day he put a used tampon, the next, a pocket pussy. dave did not like this, but started to admire his new friend. So, they started to become better friends, playing video games and hanging out at the park. The only time John did not like Dave was when they were playing CS:GO together, for Dave was one “toxic ass bitch”.

As they started to like one another, dave fell in love. During the last few days of Elementary School, they finally had their first kiss, in the same park that had first met.

After this, they took some time apart from one another, and when the time came for the 6th grade, they found each other in the crowd. Because John grew like 3 feet over the summer, we all knew who was going to be on top in the bed.

Though Dave started to like John more and more, John became more distant. He started to drift away and he became friends with the emos. He started to like their clothing and started to dress like them.

Dave did not like this, even though he admitted that John looked cute in the outfit(uwu). dave realized that John was drifting far apart, so one day, he invited John into his house. This is where the story gets blurry, but some eyewitnesses say that Dave brought John into his room, and told him to fuck his transgender genitalia because Dave was born a girl.

The witnesses said that all they heard the rest of the night, was the squeak of their bed.

The next day after the event, John sees Dave and says, “Hey Dave.” very awkwardly.

Dave replies with hello and dabs. john got mad. He got really mad. He took Dave by the arm and run outside of the school, and into the forest, where he pushed Dave into a tree.

“Why did you dab. And where did you go? I never see you anymore.” screamed John. “I don’t know, maybe because you spent too much time jerking off to hentai and hanging out with the theater kids you moron.”

John was MAD, he was INFURIATED. He NEEDED to punish dave, for saying that he watches hentai, and Dave dabbing once again.

He pulled down his pants and with one quick movement, he shoved his dick into Dave's mouth. Dave had no words; he was waiting for this moment for a long time. At his house, he was always practicing how to give blowjobs. He sucked for a while until John pulled out.

“You got better.”

“Ya, I know.”

Just to make John mad again, for the third time, he dabbed. john was infuriated. He turned dave around and pulled down his pants. dave shrieked in horror, as John plunged his cock deep into Dave’s vag.

“OH THE PAIN. I CAN FEEL IT IN MY BONES!” said Dave, since the last time they fucked, John's penis was very small. But John wasn’t feeling anything. So he took out his dick and stuck it into dave’s virgin asshole(not anymore).  
Dave screamed in pain and pleasure, and John's dick went all the way up and was touching the end of his large intestines.  
After John hitting dave’s prostate so many times, dave finally came. Just when John was about to cum in his ass, he turned him around, stuck his dick into dave’s throat, and exploded with cum. Dave swallowed EVERY LAST DROP.  


**Author's Note:**

> if you read this you legally have to go to jail
> 
> here's my tumblr for more shit. ask for more ironic fics or art, idc.
> 
> www.yam-eggs.tumblr.com
> 
> the fbi will show up shortly


End file.
